I’m totally okay with being bribed with food
i used to say that i feel drained, as if i’ve felt every human emotion other than extreme pain. i would joke that i need to fall down the stairs, break a bone, or get hit by a small car so that i can finally complete the spectrum. while those are all physically painful things, tonight i can finally cross off that emotion from the list. there is absolutely no worse feeling in the world (although i’m sure i’m in the middle-of-balling-my-eyes-out over drama of it all) than your best friend telling you that you can’t be friends anymore. no, not “we can be as close anymore” or, “i’m moving, it’ll be difficult for us to remain in contact”, but no, it’s “my girlfriend hates our friendship so it needs to end.” for the first 5 minutes after finding out i couldn’t respond, i had a million thoughts running through my head. how does someone that you literally tell everything to, someone you spent countless hours with, someone who felt like your actual brother, just decide that it’s all done?
i’m not in in their relationship so i cant judge how hard she really “tried to get over it”. all i can say is that i know him well enough to know that he’s the kind of person to make the effort. it’s true, i dont understand. not at all. how can someone be so upset over the fact that we drifted apart even after all this time? it was gradual but according to her i “ditched” her for people i didnt even like- now tell me this, who would be friends with people they hated?
it hurts beyond belief to lose someone to mentally while they’re physically still there. still, i understand the difficulty and in the end it’s girlfriend over best friend. yeah. exactly. so while this is a terrible thing i wish them the best in their relationship because for someone to tear apart a friendship over a past friendship that seems to be an obsession, she must really be worth it.
but seriously, what the fuck is wrong with everyone. 5/16/13
Went downtown last night to Maple Leafs Square to watch the game. They ended up losing after a 4-1 lead. We decided to end the night at Jack Astor’s for a depression meal which wasn’t even that good. Somehow ended up talking to D till 1:30 which is pretty late for me considering my work schedule. 5 hours of sleep later and I’m already an hour into my work day. Dead tired and annoyed at the loss last night, as well as the fact that this write-up I’m doing never seems to be good enough. I can’t wait to go home and relax.
Honesty work is so time consuming and I feel stupid complaining because this job really is something other people would die to have. Weekdays are write offs for going out unless I want to spend every morning hunched over a large coffee as I am today. I can’t wait for dan’s party, the bar with the Mississauga girls, and the cottage this weekend. And then after another long week of the work comes an extended weekend consisting of a Guelph reunion at Conn’s and hopefully the cottage again. I need a break!
Being back in my hometown is starting to feel right, just like last summer. Wednesday I was reunited with the girls, with ivanna’s arrival back in town from school we found ourselves at the airport at 1 AM to surprise her. Thursday until Friday was spent at UofT visiting and clubbing there. Friday night was hanging with the niglets in Richmond Hill. Saturday was devoted to a sushi and shopping date with my sister. Sunday was a famjam in the afternoon and then spending the evening with D in Burlington. Today was shopping yet again, but this time with the gals, since there isn’t much else to do around here. Just getting used to life living with my parents again. There are so many small differences than living alone that is really taking some getting used to. For one, constant questioning about my whereabouts/ activities/ those in my company. I hate it. I can’t leave my stuff open around my room because if my parents see it I get questioned, like about the bottle of jager on my nightstand. I’ve had to hide my sleeping pills since they’re totally against them. My questionable items are all locked away safe, so there’s no way i could get in trouble for them, even though im 19 and can do whatever I want, but it still sucks that I have to be vigilant about it. I just wish they could be those cool relaxed parents. Take it easy.
does anyone else love that moment when you get home from a concert and you’re lying down to go to sleep and its just dead silent and you reflect on how amazing the show was and how you went from sensory overload to that quiet little moment that belongs to you and only you and you can remember the show perfectly and you’re so exhausted but so happy and you drift off in happy memories and you just feel right at home for once
I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the ringing in my ears
First person I hung out with after being back in Mississauga, best friend